Slimming World Secrets

My Bridget Jones wardrobe malfunction at Slimming World!

So I stepped on to the Slimming World scales this morning with the back of my dress tucked neatly into my tights. Yep, the classic wardrobe malfunction.

I didn’t realise until a fellow member tapped me on the shoulder and told me – about five minutes after I walked in. This could only happen to me!

My week

• Average Syns per day: 16.8
• Average Speed foods per day: 9.3
• SP days: 4
• Body Magic days: 6
• Result: +½lbs
• Total loss: -5st 6lbs

But, first of all, my week. I had hoped to hit my new Target today – I’d had an angelic second half of the week, with SP days, loads of Body Magic and four days with no Syns at all.

However, I had a few too many vino tintos over my birthday weekend, which pushed me just over my average of 15 Syns per day for the week, so a ½lb gain is OK in the grand scheme of things.

Sadly, the old adage of “Syns don’t count – it’s your birthday!” on the eBay birthday cards proved not to be true.

This week’s result leaves me just 1lb off my Target – and I shall pull out all the stops this week in order to hit it.

Anyway, now on to this week’s main news – my wardrobe malfunction!

Stepping on to the scales with my dress tucked in my tights!

I’ve seen some memorable scenes on that little black box over the years, including one member stripping down to her underwear to get to that elusive Target.

But most of that saga was played out behind a screen – she didn’t have her knickers on display to the entire group.

Unlike me.

For five minutes.

Good job they were clean!

So, here’s what happened with my wardrobe malfunction. After meeting my lovely consultant Tracy and having a chat while I paid for my membership, a copy of Slimming World Magazine and some Hi-Fi bars, I headed to the weigh area. Our weigh ladies Michelle and Jane were in their usual positions.

I stepped on to the scales and got a ½lb gain. To be honest, I was expecting a bigger gain – a weigh-in at home 24 hours earlier was showing 2lb on.

I’d gone over my Syns for the week and I was bit “bunged up” – I’d not “been” for six days. Despite having loads of fibre in my diet, my insides can be so slooooooow!

So to get a piffling 8oz gain was actually pretty good. I stepped off the scales and made some remark to the effect that things could have been worse.

Just call me Bridget Jones!

Then another member of the group – I forget her name as she’s new – walked across the hall and tapped me on the shoulder.

In conspiratorial tones, she warned me: “Excuse me, I don’t think you know, but the back of your dress is stuck in your tights…”

Mortified is not the word! I reached round and, sure enough, the hem of my dress was tucked into my black 80 deniers, leaving my bum, Bridget Jones pants and all, on display to the entire group.

It’s a good job I was wearing my Covid-19 mask, as it would have protected the group from the atomic heat blast from my red face!

I raised my hands to my face and went, sort of: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!”

She wasn’t the only member to have noticed. Her mum was there, too, and she was having a chuckle.

A chap – can’t remember his name either – was doing likewise, and insisting she shouldn’t have told me! Cheers mate!

Red faced on a cold morning

After thanking her effusively for pointing out my wardrobe malfunction, I went to sit down in my usual spot by the big old radiator. Despite my red face, it was a cold morning.

I started to chatting to my pal Sally, who joined the group shortly after I did. She’s really lovely and we have something in common in that we’re both big foodies. She also has a trans son, so she’s a trans ally, too.

More Bridget Jones comparisons from Sally. This time, the bit from the first movie involving the firemen’s pole. You know, the bit with her bum in big pants and opaque black tights!

I just wish I had Renee Zellweger’s curves!

Thank heavens I didn’t wear a thong – not that I ever do, because they make me feel like I being sliced in half by a cheese wire. Bridget Jones pants ftw!

So there you go. Something that I thought only ever happened in TV commercials, sitcoms and rom-coms – and not in real life – has finally happened. To me!

Can I hit my Target next week?

I now have seven days to lose that last pound to get to my new Target and earn my 5st 7lbs award. It’s taken me a little longer than I thought it would.

If I make it next week, that will have been 11 weeks since I got to my original 5st Target. But losing weight when you don’t have so much to lose is ten times harder than if you’re obese, as I was when i first joined.

Wish me luck for the week ahead, folks – and let’s hear your Slimming World disasters and wardrobe malfunctions in the comments below!